Comparing yourself to other parents, even other parents with a similar profile to your own can be one of the biggest obstacles to finding your own parenting path. Comparisons are a natural part of life, and making an effort not to compare yourself to others can be a struggle. But learning to stop comparing yourself to others and following your own parenting path can be essential in helping you achieve your goals as a parent.

One of the biggest challenges in parenting is overcoming “comparenting”—the habit of comparing your life and your child’s life with what you see in the media, other parents, and even other friends’ children. It’s a habit that can keep you feeling out of control as a parent when really, all you really want is to raise your kids to be happy, successful, and spiritually connected individuals.

Comparison parenting is when you constantly compare everything to how your parents parented you and blamed yourself when you are not living up to your parent’s standards. It is natural to compare your parenting method to that of your parents, but comparison parenting is not natural. Nurture, not nature influences how a parent raises their children.

Part of being a parent is learning how to balance your parenting needs with your children’s. When you were a child, your parents probably didn’t let you make your own decisions, but now, you get to be the parent. That means you get to make decisions like deciding what you should and should not eat, what clothes you should and should not wear, and which activities you participate in. (And of course, you get to decide who you can and can’t date.) But what happens when you let your child influence your decisions instead of the other way around? It’s called “comparenting,” a form of comparison that creeps into most parenting decisions.

Parenting is challenging. It’s hard. It’s nearly impossible. And sometimes, it can feel like we’re failing our children. When we’re stressed, having a hard time at work, feel overwhelmed by the mundane, or just downright (un)happy, it’s easy to fall into comparison parenting. Comparison parenting is where we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves to be the best parent instead of measuring ourselves against our children’s parents. It’s a trap. It prevents us from working to be our best selves and gets in the way of raising happy, well-adjusted kids.

Comparing ourselves to others is common, and it happens to moms, too. Some moms compare themselves to the mom next door—her kid has the cutest shoes, her kid has the best Halloween costume, and her kid always seems to be having fun. Some compare themselves to moms on social media—their kids are well-behaved, their kids have perfect hair, and their kids always look happy. It’s tempting to view these moms as perfect—the perfect moms. We undoubtedly aspire to be like them but comparing ourselves to others never helps anyone. Instead, be your own mom.

Comparing yourself to others isn’t terrible unless the comparisons become unhealthy. When we’re doing this, we often become judgmental of ourselves, and many people never make it past this critical stage. A great way to avoid this is to follow your own path as a parent.

As a mom, you may feel you’re always under pressure to parent a certain way. But that’s just the “comparenting” effect. This term refers to the way we compare ourselves to other parents and the expectations we think they always have for their children. No parent has all the answers in reality, nor do they want their child to do things a certain way just for the sake of it. Fortunately, you can take steps to overcome comparenting and follow your own parenting path.